Welcome to Absurd Interviews:
There are all types of deviants across this site. Some of them are people so commited with the community, always sharing knowledge and resources, others are incredibly talented artists who never talk with anybody, there are also trolls, forum whores (no, they're not the same), bronies and also those with weird obessions with anime characters with impossibly big bellies...
Well, combine all that, add a little sugar, a beard and a mohawk and what do you get? a lolly!
So ladies a gentlemen, with you, the one and only, the sixth Spice Girl, the seventh pony from Ponyville, the fourth Powerpuff Girl, the fifth sense: lolly
:thumb275161224:
Hello Richard! How is the weather at Armpit Islands? ... oh wait, I read that wrong. Anyway, how are you?
I'm not doing too bad. Just had my morning coffee and smoke while standing on my porch during the beginning of a blizzard. Pitcairn has been weird ever since we relocated it to Wisconsin.
My armpits though...they're having some issues. I can't seem to make that fart noise by sticking your hand under them and flapping your arm up and down like a drunk chicken. Maybe it's just one of those skills you lose when you get older.
I have rheumatoid armpit arthritis. Which is something that celebrities should really be raising awareness for.
If you were a sandwich, what would we find between your slices of bread?
Pepperoni, Genoa salami, capicola, lettuce and mozzerella cheese. And a five dollar bill. Mmmmm sandwich money.
You're a quite popular deviant, and everybody knows that's because of 3 things: for being the only deviant without a symbol, for your beard and your obsession with My Little Pony. How do you feel about this?
I feel that it is the perfect trifecta. Because everyone knows the last thing you want is a big beacon of a symbol giving you away when you sneak into Ponyville to play freaky beard clop games with the Little Ponies.
Some beards have passed to history, Abraham Lincoln's, John Lennon's, Jesus'... If you could be any historic character's BEARD, whose would you be?
Without a doubt Fidel Castro's beard. It's seen some bizarre shit. Like when the CIA tried to slip it some hair removal dust to make his beard fall out to make him look silly. Obviously his beard had no problem countering that, which proves just how tough a beard it is.
Not to mention it faced down JFK during the Cuban Missile Crisis and is actually the one on control of Castro and all of Cuba. A very clever and strange beard that has been trolling the ISA for quite some time now. People don't flee Cuba to find freedom.
They flee because they know they are not worthy to be gazed upon by the beard and its all consuming love.
Or maybe the beard of Jesus, since I've always wanted to have an imaginary beard that can rise from the dead.
I know you have been asked about your lack of symbol at least 20 times (who knows? maybe even more!)... why do you like wheat so much?
Nobody has actually asked me about the lack of symbol and it kind of bums me out. I go to all these great lengths to have something unique that makes me stand out from the crowd and it gets completely overlooked.
And wheat...ahhh wonderful wheat. One of the greatest things to come from the Levant region of the Ehtiopian Highlands. And it's the largest crop in the world, grown on over 240 million hectares of land.
It also looks like a golden beard all braided. The vikings used to wear it as armor.
How can you not like such a versatile grain?
Do you think lolly-chan will ever get to be a gallery dirictor?
Well he got to be for a short bit of time, but then he hit puberty and there was that unfortunate Transformers slash fic pudding incident and he was shamed off the team.
He tried to explain that it's natural for a boy his age to become confused and aroused by such things but the fact he wrote it really didn't help his argument too much.
How spicy do you like your tacos?
Strong enough for a man but made for a woman.
What's your best pick-up line?
I've always found that "I am love-bot, I am programmed for pleasure!" usually works well. Or just go the caveman route and let them grab you by the hair and take you back to the cave. I like role reversal and primitive fetish games.
How do you like to eat your ice cream? do you lick, bite or swallow it in big chunks?
Ice cream is for the weak. I wait till winter and go down to the lake and punch out chunks of ice with my bare fists and gnaw on them while listening to the lamentations of the women.
Thank you so much Lolly! Now give us some final words and we're done!
Never read Transformer porn when you hit puberty. Never teabag your boss if you want to keep your job, and make sure your curtains are closed when you fap unless you want a fan club. And if that's what you want then just go outside on your porch to do it.
This interview was brought to you by the number 12, the letter & and your sister in law.
